Thursday, November 15, 2007
the 9-year old grief counsellor
Nine-Year-Old Writes Book to Help Grieving Children
11/15/2007
In a perfect world, kids wouldn't have to worry about anything beyond that night's homework or the weekend soccer game. Unfortunately, that's not the case for the millions of children out there who've lost a parent – but nine-year-old Milly Bell from Exeter, England is doing something to make life a little better for grieving children like herself.
Last year, Milly's father was diagnosed with a brain tumor. For the four months he was ill, Milly helped out however she could: Reading stories to him, helping him eat his dinner, giving him his medication. But she was aware that her father would never recover, and that she would soon have to say her last goodbyes.
On her website, Milly says, "While my Dad was dying, I was very upset and I felt like I was the only child it had happened to." But when her mother told her she wasn't alone, Milly began to wonder, "how can I help other children if they are losing someone they love very much and they can't meet other children like me?"
Sadly, Milly's father passed away in May 2006. But through her loss, Milly has found the strength to bring hope to other children in need: She has created a book called My Daddy is Dying, filled with pictures and games that will help other children to cope with the loss of a parent.
On one page, she asks children to create a recipe for a "Happy Feelings cake" and draw a picture of it. On another, she created a diagram "to help me understand about the cycle of life and how like trees and plants, we all live and die." Her book has been published by her father's former employer, Western Power Distribution, and a UK cancer charity, Force. It can also be downloaded from Milly's website.
"Although I still get sad and often think of daddy in heaven having a lovely time, it has got easier as time has gone by, and whenever I feel sad I know it is important to speak and cry about my feelings," Milly says on her site. "I hope this helps other children get through the same thing and let them know they are not the only one."
11/15/2007
In a perfect world, kids wouldn't have to worry about anything beyond that night's homework or the weekend soccer game. Unfortunately, that's not the case for the millions of children out there who've lost a parent – but nine-year-old Milly Bell from Exeter, England is doing something to make life a little better for grieving children like herself.
Last year, Milly's father was diagnosed with a brain tumor. For the four months he was ill, Milly helped out however she could: Reading stories to him, helping him eat his dinner, giving him his medication. But she was aware that her father would never recover, and that she would soon have to say her last goodbyes.
On her website, Milly says, "While my Dad was dying, I was very upset and I felt like I was the only child it had happened to." But when her mother told her she wasn't alone, Milly began to wonder, "how can I help other children if they are losing someone they love very much and they can't meet other children like me?"
Sadly, Milly's father passed away in May 2006. But through her loss, Milly has found the strength to bring hope to other children in need: She has created a book called My Daddy is Dying, filled with pictures and games that will help other children to cope with the loss of a parent.
On one page, she asks children to create a recipe for a "Happy Feelings cake" and draw a picture of it. On another, she created a diagram "to help me understand about the cycle of life and how like trees and plants, we all live and die." Her book has been published by her father's former employer, Western Power Distribution, and a UK cancer charity, Force. It can also be downloaded from Milly's website.
"Although I still get sad and often think of daddy in heaven having a lovely time, it has got easier as time has gone by, and whenever I feel sad I know it is important to speak and cry about my feelings," Milly says on her site. "I hope this helps other children get through the same thing and let them know they are not the only one."
// posted by jazzofonik @ 5:50 AM 
How to Care for an Autistic Child
from wikiHow - The How to Manual That You Can EditThere is no uniform diagnostic for identifying what every autistic child should or can do. Autism is a spectrum disorder, which means that some children have vastly greater abilities in some or all areas than "classically" autistic children while still having the symptoms of autism. Autistic spectrum disorders include Pervasive Developmental Delay (PDD), Asperger Syndrome (AS), and Kanner-type (or classic) autism. There is no single test to diagnose autistic spectrum disorders, and no single cause has been identified. For many families, coping with the behaviors and abilities of their individual child is the most practical daily approach to managing and remediating this disability.
Steps
- If you have concerns that your child may be autistic, you should seek professional evaluation.
- Start keeping a notebook or journal about your child. A diagnosis of autism will require a developmental history. You may be asked to fill out questionnaires which ask about behaviors and development. Writing things down on a regular basis will help you remember when you noticed things. Keeping track of what works and what doesn't will also come in handy when you're trying to modify behaviors. The journal or notebook may also help start to identify patterns for difficult times and triggers for problems.
- Have the attitude that you're in it for the long haul. There will be days when progress is made and days when things seem to be going in reverse. Don't be discouraged. Sometimes finding out what isn't working can be as beneficial in the long run as finding out what does so you know what to avoid.
- Establish and keep a routine. Many autistic children are very independent, but rely on routine for security.
- Understand fixations. This can include stimming behavior[1] (staring at turning wheels, making repeated noises, etc) and topical obsessions (Star Wars, whales, the weather). Opinions vary on whether these behaviors should be tolerated, but controlled, or discouraged entirely. Tolerating these behaviors within controlled parameters can be a powerful tool in connecting with the child for educational, emotional, and social instruction. Relating new information to the child's interests may help the child be more accepting of new things. Using time to focus on interests as a bargaining tool may help when it comes to school.
- Find support. It does not need to be the caretakers of other autistic children, though that can be an especial help. Have trusted individuals who can provide childcare, a willing ear, or mentoring.
- See if your state department of health has a department for children with special health care needs. They may provide services on a sliding fee scale based on income. You may qualify for free services or reduced charges. (In Utah this department is by the University of Utah.)
- Understand the use of visual stimuli. Many times autistic kids are visually oriented. Sometimes nonverbal children are able to communicate using sign language or by pointing to pictures in a special book put together to help them communicate. Even autistic kids who speak may benefit by making a visual chart for the schedule for the day. If you're trying to teach your child how to do something it may help to make a picture chart. (Some autistic kids can even repeat verbal instructions word for word but still lack the ability to turn those instructions into actions in their head. Pictures may somehow help them to do that.)
- See if there are any early intervention programs available where you live. As early as 3-years of age the school district should be contacted to determine whether they have special preschool programs. Ask them for an evaluation.
- When it comes time for your child to start school, contact your school and request to have your child evaluated for special education. Make the request in writing. If school personnel aren't helpful, contact the school district. Obtain a copy of the special education rules for your state from the state office of education. Qualifying for special education opens the door to more services like speech and occupational therapists. When your child is evaluated and qualifies for special education, make sure you have your school set up an Individual Education Plan (IEP) for your child. That document is very important for getting the services and education your child needs. The Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA) requires that children with special needs receive an education.
Tips
- Try reading "Daniel isn't Talking" by Marti Leimbach, it is a (99%) true story, her story, just with the names of people changed.
- There are many more books available about autism than there were in the past. Check out Amazon or Barnes & Noble. Start to educate yourself. You're going to have to find out what is going to work for you and your child. The more informed you are, the better decisions you can make.
- Read some good theory based parenting books. (Parenting with Love and Logic & Systematic Training for Effective Parenting (STEP) are a couple.) The strategies may need to be modified for your particular child, but it will be helpful to have a good understanding of some good principles for parenting.
- Some kids respond well to vestibular stimulation. (motion) Pulling the child on a scooterboard (put a helmet on the child) or swinging in a hammock may help to calm the child down. There are special swings you can buy which can be set up in a door jam. (Great for rainy days when you can't go outside.)
- Tactile stimulation may help calm a child down. Playing with water or sand are great developmental activities for any child. Clay works well. (As long as your child doesn't eat it.)
- Make sure you feed your child on a regular schedule. Nothing will make a child with developmental difficulties cranky like not getting lunch or dinner on time.
- Activity using large muscle groups helps regulate mood. My son was having a very difficult time with behavior issues in school until an occupational therapist suggested a break every two hours to do some pullups or running. (He was about 7 years old.) The outbursts dropped dramatically. When behavior started to improve, the lenght of time between breaks was gradually increased. When behavior was difficult again, the activity breaks were increased. Taking the kids for a walk or to the park may help behavior at home.
Warnings
- Professional help can be expensive, and will not deliver a magical cure. (Always evaluate the advice you receive no matter what the source. Allow enough time to see if something works. If you try it and it doesn't seem to be working, though, it may be time to make an adjustment.)
- Don't spoil your child. There are a lot of spoiled kids who have disabilities. Special needs kids learn to manipulate just like regular kids. (Read the parenting books!) Set appropriate limits with appropriate modifications. Finding the right balance is probably one of the most difficult parts of having a special needs kid. (Don't worry, you have time to evaluate what's going on and make adjustments.)
Related wikiHows
- How to Praise a Child
- How to Enhance Learning for an Autistic Child
- How to Communicate With an Autistic Child Using the Picture Exchange Communication System
- How to Make a Behavior Intervention Plan for an Autistic Child
- How to Deal with an Autistic Sibling
Sources and Citations
- http://www.utahparentcenter.org/
- http://www.usoe.k12.ut.us/sars/ Utah State Office of Education - Special Education
- http://www.essential-guide-to-autism.com/blog/2006/09/19/coping-with-aggression/ - Useful article on coping with aggression in autistic children
Article provided by wikiHow, a wiki how-to manual. Please edit this article and find author credits at the original wikiHow article on How to Care for an Autistic Child. All content on wikiHow can be shared under a Creative Commons license.
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